The most common misconceptions about a demented relative.

Misconceptions dementia

In private home care we provide care to people suffering from dementia. Often these people can stay at home without medication with a good personal counseling. Seemingly, there is nothing wrong with the person that suffers from this disease. Also, the person suffering from dementia often decides that there is nothing to worry about.

In our practice as a professional caregiver we often encounter situations where family as well as the client experience difficulty in solving problems without good knowledge in understanding the disease. As a healthcare professional, we are less emotionally attached to a client than their own family. Dealing with dementia therefore is often easier when you’re not related to the person in need of help Being a relative, it is often very difficult to see your parent or spouse turning from a person to reach for advice or a good conversation turning into a person that needs assistance.

The most common misconceptions about dementing family members from our practice.

I don’t want to lie to my mother, I want to explain her that she can no longer take care of herself.

Demented people are often eschewing care due to lack of disease insight. It is very hard to see that increase of a person's need for care, but also a growing resistance towards help.

"My mother claims she still does her own shopping, but I’ve been doing it for years now. I tell my mother every time I bring her the groceries. I can’t do it anymore, I also have my own family to take care of”

How to provide help for someone who doesn’t want to receive help? The key word is trust. Caregivers provide care without letting someone feel like they lost control of their life. Caregivers act steering, they are not taking things over. Most important is to restore structure, stability and gain confidence. Explain why things are taken care of often causes the opposite from what you wish to achieve.

To try to provide a demented insight into their own situation is like asking someone with one leg to walk.

My father has always been headstrong, that’s the reason he doesn’t want to receive care now.

That is possible of course. More likely is, the dominance of the damaged brain. Not free will and not character, but a misrepresentation is now leading. Demented people really do not comprehend their own situation.

Don’t confront a demented person by asking questions about recent events. Ask questions to which he or she can draw on long-term memory. By asking of childhood events, profession or birthplace a conversation is quickly started.

My mother is angry every time I try to help her, even when I announce my help in advance

Demented people do not have healthy brains. Therefore they cannot think like we do. The ability to plan, understand and see cause / effect is gone. Therefore it doesn’t help to tell a demented person what you are about to do. It will only cause distress. However, you can show the demented person what you are about to do. The ability to replicate, mirror is often still intact. Give a demented a tooth brush in one hand or mimic the movement yourself.

My mother used to be such an active, enterprising woman, now she has become very passive.

Making decisions, making choices, these are all higher brain functions that cannot be exploited by the demented person. Showing initiative slowly disappears. Therefore don’t ask them to make a choice. Don´t ask 'Would you like a cheese or jam sandwich' but question: "Would you like a cheese sandwich? '